I donít really know why I am doing this, I mean writing in this stupid thing. But Chichiri said it might help me in some way? And Miaka gave this stupid thing from her world, she called it a notebook I think? I donít know what I am suppose to do with it? They said to write down what I feel? But I think thatís kind of stupid, but after everything I have been through I guess it could be worstÖ
I guess I should try to explain why I gave in and agreed to write in this damn thing. All of this is because of Miaka. The Suzaku Priestess. She is the whole reason. I was so sure of my place in this world, that was until she came along. Then my life got all confused. Hell she makes me do things I never seen myself doing before her arrival. Miaka is so confusing to me.
I know I tease her and Tamahome, but you have admit that Tamahome and I didnít get off to a good start, but hell I am the one whoís says they love a good fight. I can still remember Miaka yelling at me not to hurt Tamahone when we were in Kutou. The sad part is I listened to herÖ
I should have killed him when I had the chance, I know I shouldnít feel that way about him. But I can remember the pain Miaka suffered. And all because of him. No one else, but Tamahome, her true love. It makes me sick.
But then again I am so happy she as found happiness with him, even if it is for a short period of time. I cringe every time Tamahome holds her and is allowed to touch her soft, sweet lips. My mind goís back in time to when she and I first met. Sort of like the Princess and the Bandit. How fitting, eh?
To think I was a merciless bandit before she dared to challenge me, then on a wimp she risked her life to get my fan back. She never even blinked as her life was in danger, some where down deep I think itís was because she need to find Tasuki so damn badly. Stupid girl, it almost took her dieing to realize who I really was.
My mind bolts to the memory of the fight with Tamahone in Kutuo. The way she cried, and he stood emotionless as she begged him to stop, I thought I was dead then, but I didnít mind, for I would have been dieing to protect my priestess.Odd how things change within a short time frame. Now I fight to stay alive to please my priestess. My priestess, funny I should write it like soÖ
Thatís where I get confused, I know her heart belongs to another but still some where down deep I wish things could have been different. If perhaps I had been the first person she had met in this world? But could she really love a bandit such as me? I really donít want to know.
So I guess thatís how I feel right now, even within the mist of our friends dieing I canít help but to think of her, and her only. I guess I must be the true fool, she is something I could never hold. I fantasy I have that is far beyond my reality. As it should be.
Itís simply Miaka loves Tamahome, and Tamahone loves Miaka. They are meant to be together. The gods would have never made such a mistake. But then again why am I here? Why do I feel this way for her, and her alone. No other girl makes me feel like she does. Chichiri was saying something about other worlds. I got to thinking, maybe Miaka and I are together in another place and time. I hope so. Cause I know why I feel this wayÖ
Itís simple, I love Miaka, me the loner, the bandit, the one that wasnít suppose to be. Yes I love her, and I know that someday my feelings will show to much and someone will figure it all out. But I hope by that time I can deal with this emotions a little better, than I do now? Or maybe these emotions will disappear with time? I can only wait and seeÖ
But as for right now all I can do is hope that these emotions donít stop me from doing my duty. The duty I was given at birth. And that is simply to protect the priestess. Untill she no longer needs, or wants the service I offer. And who knows maybe someday in another time there is a man and woman with memories of a forgotten past and a great everlasting love that never was.
Well I have to go now, protecting a priestess like Miaka is a full time job.